the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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