He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
