Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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