Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
