I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
it was like eating out sand paper
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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