just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
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And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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