No stitches, just platelets and will power
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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