I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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