Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
