the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
