just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
