I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
