You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
