Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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