I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
