im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize