I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
