I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
