so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I lost the right to judge tonight
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
