My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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