I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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