dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Randomize
