I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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