Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
