Nicole vs. Life
I cannot find my penis.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
