Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
