I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
