You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
What a dumb baby whore.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
