my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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