so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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