I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
We need to get me chipped asap
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
