i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
