Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
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I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
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That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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