I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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