So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
