Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
