anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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