so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
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just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
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Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her