Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?