Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.

  (630): View more from Illinois

  if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.

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  (734): cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink. (630): if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan. http://tfl.nu/ows1
  Replies (6) Good night (1301) Bad night (1510)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  yo im tryna cop a beej tonight

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  (610): yo im tryna cop a beej tonight http://tfl.nu/fc5c
  Replies (24) Good night (2618) Bad night (808)
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  (710): View more from

  Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!

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  (710): Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?! http://tfl.nu/2llb
  Replies (12) Good night (549) Bad night (4481)
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.

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  (417): I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous. http://tfl.nu/gmif
  Replies (32) Good night (4074) Bad night (595)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk

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  (301): please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk http://tfl.nu/n0hn
  Replies (27) Good night (4106) Bad night (1438)
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".

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  (636): Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional". http://tfl.nu/cis7
  Replies (10) Good night (4357) Bad night (685)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.

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  (310): it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls. http://tfl.nu/2hrl
  Replies (30) Good night (10444) Bad night (894)
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.

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  (941): Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low. http://tfl.nu/swva
  Replies (33) Good night (940) Bad night (6436)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.

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  (518): Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag. http://tfl.nu/o75p
  Replies (8) Good night (3897) Bad night (822)
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick

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  (909): I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick http://tfl.nu/j8ox
  Replies (4) Good night (1241) Bad night (765)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out

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  (706): Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out http://tfl.nu/wj5z
  Replies (32) Good night (1701) Bad night (5842)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice

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  (954): I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice http://tfl.nu/nj79
  Replies (5) Good night (1415) Bad night (673)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Why Weren't you wearing pants?

  (647): View more from Ontario

  because pants are for people with no imagination

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  (416): Why Weren't you wearing pants? (647): because pants are for people with no imagination http://tfl.nu/baiz
  Replies (6) Good night (2333) Bad night (502)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.

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  (781): not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that. http://tfl.nu/qu2b
  Replies (2) Good night (1057) Bad night (221)
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.

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  (646): I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone. http://tfl.nu/dft1
  Replies (7) Good night (285) Bad night (468)

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