Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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