Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck