Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
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I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
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Sorry my hands just texted you
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.