Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
