So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
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