im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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