I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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