Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
