3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
