Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
my shit smells like andre
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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