Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
