Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
