they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
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