is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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