I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
