Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
