i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
