Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
