on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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