Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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