so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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