Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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