forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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