I miss the smell of you or some shit.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
