uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
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I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
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CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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