OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
