not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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