they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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