mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
