What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
