Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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