He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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