Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Randomize
