I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
