I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
