The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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