Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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