i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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